A Reason To Live
by Kurai Himitsu
Summary: Kenshin muses in front of a grave. Set before he becomes a Choushou bodyguard. Songfic to Hoobastank's The Reason. [Oneshot]


**A/N:** Kenshin visits Tomoe's grave for the first time. Set before he becomes a Choushuu bodyguard. And yes, this is slightly AU-ish, but please forgive me. This one normally doesn't write AU…this was a slip!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Rurouni Kenshin_ (_Samurai X_); it belongs to Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei and Shounen Jump! I'm not making any money off this either.I swear! The song is _The Reason_; it belongs to Hoobastank.

**Rating:** G

**Genre:** Angst

**Warnings:** Major **Spoilers** for the series! Not sure about the movie (never seen it… Don't hurt me!) This is angst, you no like; you no read!

**Main Characters:** Himura Kenshin, Yukishiro Tomoe (only mentioned…), and Kaoru (only mentioned)…

_A Reason To Live_

Kyoto: Bakumatsu, year 1864

He stood there, in the open in front of the grave. It probably wasn't the safest thing that the Hitokiri Battousai could do, especially since the war was still in progress and he was an important target for the Shinsengumi. A week or so ago, he wouldn't have cared one iota if he had been struck down as he stood there, staring…

The word was on his lips before he even realized it, lost in his memories… "Tomoe…"

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

Her name brought back so many memories to his pained mind… The freshest being her death…by his hand. He had been unable to stop the attack in time andshe hadpaid for it...withher life…

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

"Forgive this one…Tomoe… I-I didn't…" A soft wind blew, caressing his face, the scar on his cheek. He sighed. "Thank you… I will not throw your gift away… I will live…and I will be happy…for the both of us… When the war, this bloody time of the Bakumatsu, is over, I will kill no more…"

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

He closed his eyes and stood in silence; waiting. For what, he did not know. The soft wind continued to blow, whistling gently as it passed, fading into the distance. He shivered; it was so cold here… "Tomoe…"

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

Kyoto: 11th year of the Meiji, year 1879

Again…for only the second time in his life, he stood by her grave. After that first visit, he had lost all courage to go back, the strength. He could not look at what he had fated her to…death… But still… He had kept his promise to Tomoe: he hadn't killed since the day the Bakumatsu ended over eleven years ago…

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

He still regretted what he had done as a hitokiri, none of these acts more so than the murder of Tomoe…though it was not intentional… For eleven years, he had wandered, his soul in turmoil…but now… Kaoru…

_And the reason is you _

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

Hesitantly, he bowed low, and began to tell his lost love of the new light in his dark life… "Tomoe…" he whispered. "This one did not want to be alone… I tried to repent…I tried so hard… But…but someone has made me see what you tried so hard to tell me…"

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

He sighed and continued. "Kaoru…she has made me understand…made me see what you tried to tell me…that I _am_ forgiven…that you did not blame me… I understand now, she has made me see that you would not want me to be alone… That you would want me to be happy… And Tomoe…I _am_ happy… I…I love Kaoru…as much I still love you…

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

"I have truly found a reason to live… I will live…for the both of you…"

_Owari_

**A/N:** Yes, yes, I know. Kenshin only visited Tomoe's grave once—after the fight with Shishio. I know. I forgot that when I started this, so I guess that makes this an AU-ish fic? Oh well. Please, **review**!


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